I am always saying to myself,
"Look at you, and after a lifetime of trying,"
said Florida Scott-Maxwell at age 82
I’m not that old, but I’ve said this to myself many times.
All my life I’ve wanted to be good. I’ve tried to be good.
But over and over I seem to come up short.
There seems to be this other person lurking between my deep-down goodness and what enters my mind and comes out of my mouth.
Sometimes I feel like I'm the same girl I was when I was 8 years old.
Personality is a pretty persistent thing.
So are character flaws.
Have I made any progress at all?
I still battle my natural tendencies, but I’m not the child I use to be.
I have learned much, I understand more, I am better than I was.
And I realize that I have the faith to go on:
faith that God will forgive my frailties, fill in the gaps, and make me whole.
Overcoming the world, including my self, is an uphill battle.
What counts isn’t how near perfection we get,
but that we are willing to try in spite of minimal gains,
and that we never give up.
So, onward march! I have a mountain to climb.
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3 comments:
Georgia, you articulated how I feel most of the time. I'm turning 35 this month -- have I grown, have I improved since I was 25? In some ways, but not enough it seems... It takes courage and a leap of faith for me to continue on and believe that I can make more progress than I have hitherto made.
You stay on the plateau too? Boy that makes me feel better!
:)
It's a plateau kind of life for me. My leaps seem to be small, like over a bump or something, no big climbs.
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