On Our Own

"Here am I,
The dishes barely done and night long since fallen,
The children would not go to bed
And would not go and
Would not go--

And now they are gone.
Gone to places of their own with children of their own
Who will not go to bed and will not go...
And I have taught them what I could and
They have learned the things they would
And now they've gone their way alone to learn the rest
Most on their own."


Once in a while someone says what you feel when you haven't words for it.
I love this part of a poem by Jaroldeen Edwards.

I spent so much of my life doing dishes and trying, unsuccessfully, to get kids to sleep. That time is spent--gone--and I can't help but wonder if it was spent well.

I see in my children a mix of lessons learned and unlearned, genes dominant and recessive, choices good and bad. What part did I play in who they are?

And what part did they play in who I am? Altered by interactions with each child, influences of each personality, experiences shared together, --they are part of me as I am part of them.

Here am I.
The hour is late, and I cannot sleep and cannot sleep and cannot sleep.
I remain,
And have much to learn and do and feel,
Most on my own.