Who can find....?

I am intrigued by Michelle/Ali/Jenn’s idea of choosing one word to focus on this year. I like the idea that instead of working towards (failing at) a goal, you can look to making some progress.


I serve in Young Women and the Mutual theme this year is:
“…let virtue garnish thy thoughts unceasingly…”
We usually think of virtue as chastity, but there are many virtues that make up a good and moral character.


While yet a young man, Benjamin Franklin made a list of thirteen virtues that he felt were an important guide for living. He wrote each virtue on a page in a small book that he kept with him most of his life. He would select one virtue to focus on each week, but every day he checked the entire list to see how he was doing.


When the Lord asks us to let virtue garnish our thoughts unceasingly, surely he meant for all good things to be in our minds and in our hearts continually. Ben Franklin came close to what the Lord had in mind in thinking about virtues every day, and of having a plan to improve them in his life.

President Hinckley has said,
"You may not be a genius. But you can be good, and you can try."


The word I will have on my mind this year is

Virtues

Maybe that is more than one word. There are many virtues. I've already made a very long list.


Holy writ asks, "Who can find a virtuous woman?"

I hope I can answer, "Right here."


In the hour since I’ve made this decision, I’ve already hit the wall several times and seen how far I am from any ideal or perfection in any virtue. Maybe it will be a year of just magnifying my faults.

Hopefully awareness will lead to improvement.

Certainly trying is a virtue.



If there is anything virtuous, lovely or of good report, we will seek after these things.

Funerals

Today I went to a funeral. I'm one of those odd ducks that likes funerals. For me it makes it all very real: life, and death.

I heard once that until you face death as a reality--that it really really will happen-- you don't know how to live.
I tried it, and "they" were right. It put into focus for me those things that matter, and those things that really don't.
It is a focus that quickly and easily blurs or fades. We need funerals and weekly sermons to help us get our focus back.

At every funeral a picture is painted of the life of the deceased.
I often wonder if that person could come back and give a rebuttal, what things they would correct, or add, or what emphasis they would change. Unless we write our own eulogy, we don't get to do that.

Most people don't know our inner thoughts, our dreams, our hopes, our wishes. They don't know what we wanted to do but didn't, or what we wished our life could have been. The only thing we leave for people to talk about is what we actually did. I'd rather be known for my good intentions, but that isn't what obituaries are made of.

I sometimes wonder what people will say about me at my funeral. But I don't worry about it.
It seems that no matter how mean you were, or how much of a bum you were, they always find something nice to say.
I heard a guy at his grandmother's funeral pray, God, you'll have your hands full with her. Wasn't that a nice way of saying it?


It's trite but true, most of us don't get out of here alive.

And we really truly don't take much with us.

We won't need a swimming suit or sunscreen for this journey.

I hope we pack what matters.

Stay-at-home Moms

Staying home with small children is often considered a low point in life. We feel slovenly and wasted and unimportant. It's a stage we wish would pass quickly so we can get on with real life.

From my perspective, it is one of the best stages of life, and it makes me sad that so many mothers don't enjoy it while they're in it.

So I started a list of Good Things about Being Home with Kids.
It's a first draft, not polished or complete or even well thought-out, but I'm putting it out there for others to debate or add to.
Feel free. It's a work in progress.

GOOD THINGS ABOUT BEING HOME WITH KIDS

1. You get to be the queen of your own domain, to set up your castle and make the rules, and have loyal, if loud and messy, subjects.
2. Your kids will never be cuter, or more forgiveable.
3. Your kids think you know everything (you will get dumber with age) and that you can fix and do anything.
4. You may be exhausted and dowdy, but you can handle things--referee the fights, heal the wounds, fix broken toys and hearts, etc.
5. Little children are easy to please.
6. You are bigger than they are, so you win.
7. If you think they don’t listen to you now, wait until they’re teenagers.
8. You will never be smarter or wiser, in their eyes or yours.
9. You can put penny candy and dollar junk in their Christmas stockings and they’ll be delighted.
10. You usually know where they are, unless you take them somewhere (except Angela).
11. They may be expensive, but they’ll never be cheaper to feed, clothe or entertain.
12. You can pick them up, hug them tight, hold them on your lap, and even tickle them.
13. They laugh with their whole body.
14. Their eyes light up.
15. They believe what you say.
16. They are reason to buy the newest cold cereal.
17. You are everything to them; soon enough you will be a cipher in the snow, the gum on the bottom of a shoe, so low you will have to look up to see the ground.
18. They leap out of bed in the morning and do much more than be a couch potato.
19. They get excited about things.
20. They’re not too cool to try things.
21. They’ll eat mac and cheese and hot dogs and pbj's and fish sticks.
22. Holidays are way more fun.
23. It takes a lot of their little clothes to make a load of wash.
24. They’re easily entertained.
25. They give you kisses and let you kiss them.
26. You can say no to things you don't want to do b/c of the kids.
27. You are a better person because you have to set the example.
28. You don't have someone else telling you when and what to do, and keeping you from the park or the pool or roller-skating or nothing at all.
29. You get the privilege of living your life for something outside yourself, for others.
30. It's just more fun than just about any other job.

A Piece of Quiet

My new 2007 Mary Engelbreit calendar is called A Piece of Quiet,
and it has quotes each month about rest, repose and relaxation.
I wonder if it could be possible this year.
I thought when my children left home my life would be quiet.
Last year was my busiest year yet, even after two daughters’ weddings the year before.

What kept me so busy?

Work. The business is getting more demanding, but we’re not hiring more people. We opened a new store in Utah for which I did much of the planning, ordering, packing, setting up, and getting it up and running. I worked shows in Kansas, Salt Lake City, Seattle, and Houston—some of the hardest work I’ve done.

Travel. In addition to shows, I was lucky enough to travel to Utah a couple of times, to Hawaii, and on a Mexican cruise with my family. It was all fun, but put me even farther behind and added to my busy-ness.

Church calling. Being in stake Young Women isn’t always busy, but it’s pretty big stuff when we are. With 16 units to orient, train, and attend ward conferences for, plus the pioneer trek we did, the dances, activities and meetings, stake auxiliary training and YW Recognition, it adds up.

Will it be different this year?

Well, I still have my calling, my job, and travel plans. I'll be working fewer shows and won’t have a store to open, but otherwise, not too different.

But maybe my calendar will remind me to slow down and smell the roses.

Maybe, amidst the busyness, I'll take time to rest.


Rest
is not idleness;
and to lie sometimes on the grass
under trees on a summer day,
listening to the murmur of the water
or watching the clouds float across the sky
is by no means
a waste of time.
--J Lubbock

My Trips to Paradise

I don’t know why I was the lucky one, but I got to be the Princess of Quite a Lot this year (sorry, Elizabeth). In less than three short months I got to take four great trips.

Thanksgiving week I got to go on my first cruise, and it was to the Mexican Riviera, and it was with all my children! I thought it was a blast. The boat was huge and interesting and fun. We had wonderful meals in the dining room, attended classes and shows, enjoyed the pools, walked the decks, used the workout room, climbed the rock wall, took dancing lessons, ate and ate and ate, had a family book club meeting, played games in the game room, dressed up for formal nights, had girls' day at the salon, and had the fun of seeing family around every corner.
Getting off the boat was a great adventure too that included snorkeling, parasailing, boogie boarding, sliding down natural waterfalls, hiking, jumping in the back of "taxis" with people who didn't speak English, and finding our way around a foreign country. It was very fun. I didn't want it to end.

I wasn't home a week before I got on a plane to go to Hawaii. My friends who own the business I work for had room in their time share so they invited me! I had a blast. I didn’t have to be a mother or a wife or count my pennies. I did things I’ve never done and may never get to do again.
We spent the first week in Kauai—the best kept secret in the world. It is everything you think Hawaii would be. Tropical beauty on every acre, lots of beaches, tons to do, perfect weather. Then I stayed a few more days with them on Maui. While in Hawaii I flew in a helicopter over the inaccessible NaPali coast and Waimea Canyon, the wettest spot on the earth where Jurassic Park and other films have been shot. I kayaked, did an amazing jungle hike, took a catamaran out to a forbidden island, drove 10,000 feet up to the top of a volcanic crater, went to a real luau, and enjoyed beautiful beaches, waterfalls, caves and rock formations. It was Paradise. I didn't want to come home.

These trips followed closely my trips to the breathtaking Northwest and to a diverse international quilt show in Houston, and a trip to Utah earlier this year.

My dictionary defines Paradise as any place of great beauty and perfection, any place or condition of great happiness, or heaven.
Being in the hills of Utah with children and grandchildren, being in the lush Northwest with family and friends, cruising the seas with my kids, and being in tropical Hawaii, I found myself in places of great beauty and happiness, places I didn't want to leave.

That certainly defines Heaven, doesn't it?: A place of great beauty and perfection, a place of great happiness, being with family and loved ones, and never wanting to leave.


I've been in Paradise at least 4 times this year.

It gave me a taste of Heaven.

With my passport (temple recommend),

I hope to go there someday.

Adversity

Before I loan my book out, I want to share a quote from Memoirs of a Geisha by Arthur Golden:

"Adversity is like a strong wind. I don’t mean just that it holds us back from places we might otherwise go. It also tears away from us all but the things that cannot be torn, so that afterward we see ourselves as we really are, and not merely as we might like to be.”

I've had some adversity in my life. I've learned things about myself, some that I like and some that I don't.

I've never forgotten when I hit the lowest point in my life. I'll spare you the details, but tell you what I learned: I thought I had lost everything, but I found that after being stripped of it all what I had left was a personal knowledge of God.

When I thought I had not a friend in the world to take my troubles to, no help, no support and nowhere to turn, when there was no arm of flesh upon which I could rely, I found a friend in Jesus.

I learned that no matter what happens to me in life, I know that God is real, that's He is lovingly aware of His children, and that though He may not come in the time and way you want Him to, He always comes.

And it has made all the difference.

In rebuttal to criticism of the ill-fated Martin and Willie Handcart Companies, an elderly man once said: “I was in that company and my wife … too. We suffered beyond anything you can imagine and many died of exposure and starvation, but … we became acquainted with [God] in our extrem[i]ties. Was I sorry that I chose to come by handcart? No. Neither then nor anyminute of my life since. The price we paid to become acquainted with God was a privilege to pay, and I am thankful that I was privileged to come in the Martin Handcart Company.” ( cited in Robert L. Backman, “Faith in Every Footstep,” Ensign, Jan. 1997, 8)

Adversity is never fun, but I'm grateful to have come to know God, and myself, in ways I otherwise never would have.

To be untested and unproven is also to be unaware of all that we are. If we are unknowing of our possibilities, with what could we safely be trusted? Could we in ignorance of our capacities trust ourselves? Could others then be entrusted to us? --Neal A. Maxwell

Jennifer

Today is Jennifer's birthday.

Jennifer is my firstborn child.
There is nothing in the world like the first; nothing can ever take its place. For holding that special place in my heart, for enduring that position, thanks, Jennifer.

Jennifer was due the week after Christmas, so we couldn't travel to Washington. That was my first Christmas away from home. Thanks, Jennifer.

I woke up on New Year's Eve and felt funny. I had to call my mother to ask what labor felt like. Little did I know what I was in for. Thanks, Jennifer.

I had never seen anything born before, so after her birth I kept saying, There really was a baby in there! And there was. A baby that made me a mother. Thanks, Jennifer.

The doctor who delivered her didn't miss too much of his football game, but he did miss a New Year's Eve party he didn't want to go to. For that, he thanks you, Jennifer.

She came too early to be the first baby born in the new year so we didn't get all the press and goodies, but we did get the tax deduction, and I didn't get my hospital picture in the news. Thanks, Jennifer.

I don't know which is most painful: labor, afterbirth, nursing, or breast infections. They say what doesn't kill you makes you stronger. For making me stronger, thanks, Jennifer.

I don't know if we choose our parents in the pre-existence, but if you did, thanks, Jennifer.

I cannot begin to count the ways Jennifer has blessed my life. For the pure delight at every age, for the deep and abiding friendship, for the connection we have on all levels, I thank you.

On this, the anniversary of her birth, I have umpteen reasons to celebrate and be glad.

For all you are and do, I thank you, Jennifer.

I love you!

Happy Birthday!

The Party's Over

"Well, so that is that. Now we must dismantle the tree,
Putting decorations back into their cardboard boxes--
Some have got broken--and carrying them up to the attic.
The holly and the mistletoe must be taken down and burnt,
And the children got ready for school. There are enough
Left-overs to do, warmed up, for the rest of the week--
Not that we have much appetite, having eaten such a lot,
Stayed up so late, attempted--quite unsuccessfully--
To love all our relatives, and in general
Grossly overestimated our powers. Once again
As in previous years we have seen the actual Vision and failed
To do more than entertain it as an agreeable
Possibility, once again we have sent Him away
Begging though to remain His disobedient servant,
The promising child who cannot keep His word for long."
-- W. H. Auden

The week after Christmas is always in interesting mix of emotions.
We want to somehow hang on to the feelings of the season, but clean out the mess.

What things need be stowed away, and what should be left out?
I guess the tree and lights must go, but other things should stay,
like the peace and the joy,
love and service,
being wise and giving gifts,
humble kneeling and songs of praise,
following His light and coming to Him.


I always wonder if all the fuss and bother of Christmas was worth it. Did it make a difference in my life? Am I better for the experience?
Will I be any better at making room for him in my life this year?
Will I follow his light more than the darkness of the world?
Will I continue to offer gifts to Him?
Will I love better because Love was born?

Sometimes I feel like the promising child who can't keep his word for long.

But I still want to try.

For all He's given me, I really want to try.

I'm a Fake!

While folding laundry one day I caught a few minutes of a Rock Hudson movie. He played a man who sold fishing equipment in a sporting goods store. He told people the best gear to buy, the best place to fish, the best bait to use, even the best time of day to fish. Then it was discovered that he didn’t personally fish, or even know how! He just passed on information that others had given him.

I thought, that is so my life! I work in a longarm quilting business selling quilting supplies. I spend my days advising people on the best products to buy, telling them how to use it, and am even considered "the expert" by some. But I don’t quilt!! I don’t personally use these products or have any real experience with them. I just pass on information that people tell me.
Something about this isn’t right.

We can know a lot about a lot of things. But there is no substitute for real experience. Only then can you really know a thing. (And even then, only your limited experience of it.)

I worry that the gospel can be like that. We can know all about it, how to live it, where to practice it, but not have any real experience with it. We can talk about faith, charity, service, sacrifice, Spirit, saving the world, but how much personal experience do we have with those things?

"It is a contradiction in terms and ideas to call anything a revelation that comes to us at secondhand, either verbally or in writing. It is revelation to the first person only and hearsay to every other."
--Thomas Paine

Especially in the gospel were we meant to have first-hand experiences!

I do believe the Church encourages us to act "as if" we have a virtue before we actually possess it, such as to act with charity before we may actually feel it. It may be viewed as hypocrisy, but I see it as a learning step, a practice phase. It's meant to be temporary until we gain the virtue. All of us at divers times and places are "practicing" Christians. Permanence of the discrepancy qualifies for being a fake.


It makes me all the more grateful for the Savior, who left His heavenly home and came to earth to experience mortality first-hand. He knows what it is to be hungry, tired, rejected, and unappreciated. What He knows of our struggles and sufferings is not from hearsay.

Dennis Rasmussun wrote:
“Christ came among men to share what he had brought with him from heaven, but also to share what he would find on earth.
The gift he brought was eternal life with all its glory; the gift he received was human life with all its struggles.
Because He lived and suffered and died, life and suffering and death were changed. By sharing them he transfigured them, and made them ministers of perfection.”

We have faith in Christ because we know He has walked the walk, that He knows from personal experience about the things He teaches us. We know we can follow in His footsteps.


The lesson for me is, whether in fishing, quilting or living the gospel, it is infinitely better to do it, to walk the walk, and not just talk the talk.


The Lord has said, Do not be a hypocrite.

In other words, Don't be a fake.

What things do you know from experience, and what things do you know just from hearsay?

Thoughts on a Christmas Eve

Because the spritz and the gumdrops are made,
because I don't have to stay up all night wrapping presents, filling stockings, or making cinnamon rolls this year,
because I have time for once to be quiet,
I appreciate even more this favorite poem of mine:


Let us be silent for a little while
This holy night.
Let us go out where the silver winter stars
Hang still and white,
And let us find His star, and stand beneath
Its drenching light.

We will be calm, for the while alone
Where still things are;
We will be stronger than we were before,
And cleaner, far,
For the brief time beneath the showering light
Of one white star,

And oh, I think if we wait, and if we watch,
That star will pour
A radiant silver light along the hills;
Will go before
And lead all earnest seekers for the Christ
To His very door.

--Grace Noll Crowell


May all things in our lives lead us to Him.

"C" is for Christmas

Inspired by a poem I read in an old Improvement Era, I once wrote this corny play on words:

It's Christmas! How do you "C" Christmas?
Do you "C" santa Claus, Chimneys, Colored lights,
Chocolates, Cranberries and Crisp winter nights?
Children, Candles, Candy Canes,
Cheery Cards, Carolers and Country lanes?

And in your Christmas do you "C" Christ?
Do you see the Child in the Creche?
Do you see the Creator of worlds,
and his Commanding Countenance?
Do you see his Capacity for Caring?
His Caress for a Child, his Cry for our pain?
His Charity in his Compassion and Comfort?
He is the Calm in a storm.
He is the Champion for God's Cause,
with Consummate Commitment and Courage.
Cheerful, Congenial, Considerate.
Composed, Certain, Candid.
He is unCommon, inComparable, unChangeable.

Do you see his Conduct as he's Cruelly Condemned?
Do you see him Climb with the Cross to Calvary,
to Carry our sins and Compensate for our weaknesses?

He is Chief among us, the Center of our universe,
our hope for all things Celestial.

It is Christ we Celebrate.
For unto us is born this day a savior, who is Christ the Lord.


I still like to read it because it reminds me to open my eyes to all that Christmas means.

Every year our stake does a Creche Exhibit. As I took my time quietly looking at each Nativity, and I felt like I was personally witnessing that holiest of nights. I felt I had looked into the faces of Mary, Joseph and baby Jesus, of good shepherds and of wise men, angels and other witnesses. I knew, as they did, that this was indeed the promised Messiah, and that He was true to His promises. Christmas is a miraculous experience when we have eyes to see.


As Children of God, are there things to "C" in us?
Compassion
Conviction
Courage
Commitment
Charity
Contentment
Compliance
Child-like
Constant
Caring
Clean
Contrite
Covenant


We think A-list is best, but I'm thinking C-list is better.

That's how I "C" it.

A Blogging Milestone

If I count right, this will be my 100th blog. Not bad for someone who dragged their feet to start one, and even then needed a jump start.

This week I printed them all out, just to see what that would look like. It was bigger than I thought. I have to say it's not a book everyone would want to read, but I like it.

The word "ripple" comes to mind. I don't know how Jill got started, but she got Jenn started who got me started and her sisters and Jill's keep getting bigger as her circle of wonderful friends grows. The Ripple Effect isn't just about blogs being written; it's about ideas and feelings and insights and friendships. It's all the things that happen in our lives and in the lives of those we touch because of blogspot.com.

Our personal stories are the literature of our lives. What can be more touching or interesting to read than real thoughts and stories of real people? Thanks to anyone who reads this for your contribution to my life.

Blogging has not been a daily journal for me; I do that in another place. It has been a reflection on my life and experiences. It has allowed me expression through the art of writing. It has put me in touch with my children, and some great friends.

Some days I think I have said all I have to say. Other days I think not.
So I'll keep on blogging when something inside me wants to get out.


What I feared most came true: I haven't cleaned a single closet since I started.

And I haven't found the real me. But I have come closer.

And I have loved the journey.

Thanks, Jill and Jenn!


Happy 100th Blog to me!

Thoughts on a Healthy Family

When I went to college, I majored in Psychology, but I minored in Child Development and Family Relations. I thought everyone should at least minor in CDFR. What more important thing do we all need to know in life than how to be a good parent and have a happy and productive family? What better topic should we study all the days of our lives?

"The family is still the most efficient means for producing human happiness and human goodness, as well as for preparing us for the world of immortality that is to follow." Neal A. Maxwell


Neal A. Maxwell taught some very profound things about healthy families:

"Of all the work of 'perfecting the saints,' none compares to that done in healthy families."

"Sickness of spirit in a family is carried just as surely as the flu."

"The next generation always lives downwind of the toxic trends of the previous generation."

“When some choose slackness, they are choosing not only for themselves, but for the next generation and the next. Small equivocations in parents can produce large deviations in their children! Earlier generations in a family may have reflected dedication, while some in the current generation evidence equivocation. Sadly, in the next, some may choose dissension, as erosion takes it toll. "


"The whole process of raising a family is one of perfecting our own lives. That which we transmit consciously and unconsciously to our children in their rearing in the home must be the best within us." Henry D. Moyle

I've always felt we owe it to our children to be the best person we can be. We don't begin to know how much influence we have on the earthly and eternal lives of our posterity. It takes a great deal of honest observation and introspection, a long view of things, and a great deal of discipline to do right by our families.

It is my hope that when we sit down in our heavenly home, that I will have done my part, that my family will be saved, that there will be no empty chairs at our table.

"I have learned in my home what I know about godliness.
And the theory I learn other places, if not applied at home, is useless." -Ann Madsen

Christmas Is Come

Well, the weather has turned chilly, I got my broken Christmas music to play, and I've bought and wrapped a few presents, so Christmas has come to my house--just in the nick of time.

So, what part of that is Christmas?
The shopping and buying?
The Christmas music?
The cold weather?
Doing things for others?
The busy-ness?
Or is it the lights and decorations? The smells and the tastes?

Certainly all of it. But what parts could we do without and still have it feel like Christmas?

Since Christmas really is about the birth of the Savior, I guess we could do away with almost all of it, except maybe the doing things for others, since that is the crux of the meaning of Christmas.

I got to wondering today how many Christmas presents I have wrapped in my lifetime. I came from a large family who had huge Christmases, and when I lived at home I did a lot of the wrapping for my mother and siblings. Then I had a large family of my own and there are always lots of presents to wrap.

And how many Christmas cards have I written? How many cookies have I baked to give away?

It almost makes me feel like I have done some good in the world.

But what if we don't count Christmas, if we take the Decembers of my life out of the equation, then what do I have to show for myself? Not much, I'm afraid.

It makes me all the more grateful for this season. Even if what we do smacks of obligation, it is a wonderful opportunity to think of others, to do for others, to share our love through cards and cookies and gifts.

And the world, and we, are better for it.

Course Corrections

I used to think that life just grabs us, locks us into a socio-economic cultural environment, dictates how we spend our days (work, school, family), and gives us few real choices.

Then I had an aha! moment.

One day I was standing in the middle of my tiny cluttered house, surrounded by my numerous offspring, daydreaming about the woman I hoped to be someday, which was nothing like the girl I was. I realized that, though I had a hope and a dream, I was not on the path! And I wasn’t really doing anything to get myself there.

It was an eye-opening, course-changing experience for me when I realized I did have choices and I needed to be making them!

Life and circumstance do dictate, to some degree, those things we need to do each day, but within the framework of our lives, from the moment of each day's awakening, we make choices. We choose to get up or not, to be cheerful or not, to get to work or not, to be nice or not, and whatever happens to us, we choose our reaction. We don't always have complete control over our circumstances, but within those circumstances we have great power to shape a life.

"Next to the bestowal of life itself, the right to direct that life is God's greatest gift to man." David O. McKay

Every one of us is an artist. Our life is the masterpiece we are creating. Every day, whether we know it or not, we pick up the paintbrush or the chisel, and work on our creation. It is the small choices we make every day that shape our character. It’s like grass growing: slowly, imperceptibly, but surely, we are growing into something.

A good question to ask is, When you get to the end of the path you're on, where will you be?

I often think (and have asked my children), "Which Kingdom are you practicing for?"
The thoughts we think, the words we say, the things we do, the entertainment we engage in--for what will they qualify us in the future?

Choices...choices...every day choices...never-ending, brain-racking, soul-searching choices.


Thank goodness we are in the driver's seat and can change course.

Disoriented

I am sitting in an airplane headed for Hawaii. It is an eerie feeling to fly over the ocean in the dark. I don't know where in the world I am.

Two weeks ago I was on a cruise ship, sailing the Pacific Ocean. Sandwiched between sea and sky, I was disoriented as to where in the world I was.

I feel lost in Walmarts that look the same in Mexico, Hawaii and every other state.

It is December. Between tropical weather, missing the "landmark" of Thanksgiving, and being far from home and family, I am disoriented as to the time of year.

Maybe I'm just disoriented in general.

My home life is different than it's been for the past 30 years.
Changes at work put me in a different place.
I'm gone too much to feel I belong in my new ward.
My church calling makes me feel like a fish out of water.

So I find myself asking,
Where am I?
Who am I?
What am I doing?
Where am I headed?

I have no real answers, except the important one: continue in faithfulness.

And if I am asea, at least I am on the move.

Hopefully I'm headed in the right direction.




Too many people work to climb the ladder of success only to find the ladder was leaning against the wrong wall.

A Different Christmas

For the past two months I have been out of town a lot, mostly in tropical places. It is now just one week until Christmas, and I've hardly given it a thought. It was 77 degrees today, and I still can't think about it.
Considering I have a very large family who all live a mailbox away, I'm in trouble.
I've tried to put Christmas music on, but the CD or the player doesn't seem to work. I think I'm not supposed to do Christmas this year.

While I was out of town, my husband, whose favorite thing about Christmas is the smell of a fresh tree, went out, for the first time in our lives, and bought a fake tree. And it came with lights. How's that for instant, artificial Christmas?
When I got home, I put two ornaments on it, one from Hawaii, and one of a cruise ship. I think that will do.
So when we get up on Christmas morning, and for the first time have no children, no stockings, and no presents, I'll remember that this is our Christmas: that we went on a cruise with our children and I got to go to Hawaii. That should warm my soul, if indeed if it gets cold enough to need warming.


It will be a different Christmas.

I won't have to stay up late or get up early.
I won't have to spend my day tripping over stuff and cleaning up after everyone.
I won't have to put up with the joking, poking, and wrestling of siblings.

Maybe I'll have time to take a nap, for all the years I stayed up all night and didn't get one.

Just maybe I'll miss the excitement of anticipation on Christmas morning, the fun of stockings, the bright eyes and yelps of joy at opening a gift, the love and bonding of a family, the gratitude felt for gifts, for each other, and for all that Christmas means.

It will be a different Christmas.

Bah Humbug.

Maybe I won't even make cinnamon rolls.

Drats

Lying in bed,
Inside my head,
A blog I wrote.
When I awoke,
I remembered it not;
I forgot.

My Piano and Me

My mother played both piano and organ, and played in church almost all her life.
She hoped all her children would learn to play the piano.
She was gravely disappointed.

With my sisters, I took piano lessons from an old man in an old house on the waterfront downtown. I took lessons long enough to learn to read music. But I didn’t like to practice, so my mother let me quit (shame on her).

I loved it when my busy mother occasionally sat down at the piano in the living room and so beautifully played. I wished I could play like her.

Then something happened. For some reason unknown to me, Mother moved the piano out of the living room and into a back bedroom that came to be called The Piano Room.
About that time I decided I really did want to learn to play the piano. Maybe moving it to a back room gave me the privacy I needed, away from seven critical and intolerant siblings.

So I spent one summer, many hours every day, in The Piano Room, teaching myself to play the piano. I started with a few songs I liked and worked until I could play them. I dug out books of music and tried every song. The first song I memorized and could play with confidence was Moon River. I continued throughout the years to try on my own to practice and improve.

I wouldn’t recommend this manner of learning to play to anyone. The things you learn wrong or don’t learn at all handicap you the rest of your life. But I did learn to play well enough to make me happy. And it exposed me to music of all kinds, marches, waltzes, spirituals, classical, popular and religious.

Sometimes, just when I thought I was playing pretty well, someone would open the door and walk in the room, and I would just fall apart. I could not play worth a darn if I thought anyone could hear me. I decided this was pretty useless. So when they asked me to play in Seminary, I determined to learn to play in public so I could be useful. It has come in handy many times.

I don’t play well; I never have and never will. I learned that you don’t have to be a concert pianist to enjoy playing the piano. It's okay to just have fun. So even though I’ve never reached even an intermediate level, I can play for myself, I can play for my family, and I even occasionally play in church. It gets me by, and I enjoy it.

I know my mother wished that I had learned to play better, but I know she's glad that I brought the gift of music to my children, that we could sit around the piano and sing together, that we learned to enjoy many different kinds of music, and that my children can now share the gift she loved so much, the gift of music, with their children.


"Music is a rich gift of God, and it is in the world to make the lives of His children happier and better."
--Clara McMaster, composer of "Teach Me to Walk", "Reverently, Quietly", "My Heavenly Father Loves Me". "

Long Arms of Mercy

For some time now I've wanted to retire from demanding Church callings and just be the Primary pianist.

I was sitting in Relief Society thinking about this, and decided that I would have to give up this hope. Between my failing eyes, my scrambled brain, and my lack of practice, I can hardly play anymore.

Just then the Primary president appeared in the door and waved at me. You guessed it; they needed me to come and play in Primary!

I tell you this story because it’s not unusual. It seems that every time in my life I think I will get casual, or lazy, or divergent, the Lord seems to know.
"Prone to wander, Lord, I feel it, " yet He always stretches out His long arms of mercy and calls me back.


I tried to do that for my own children.
When one of them would start to act out, digress, or get lackadaisical, I would show forth a little more love. Nothing big or obvious. I would touch them more, listen to them better, look into their eyes more often. I don’t believe they ever knew anything was different. But that little bit of attention and love always brought them back to the center.

I learned in basic psychology that most misbehavior is for want of attention. At every age and stage of life, we want to know that someone notices us and cares about us. We're hungry for it, starving even. Is it any wonder that love expressed can make such a difference in a person's day? To be worthy of someone's time or attention, especially our parent's, somehow makes things right, makes us feel more like doing right.

I'm very grateful for Heavenly Father's watchful eye and long arms of mercy.

I'm grateful for family and friends that have helped keep me in the fold.

For those who are straying or lost, I need to wake up and reach out.

The quality of mercy is not strain'd,
It droppeth as the gentle rain from heaven
Upon the place beneath; it is twice bless'd;
It blesseth him that gives and him that takes:
It is an attribute to God himself;
And earthly power doth then show likest God's ..
- Shakespeare